Last Napowrimo Poem

Fortunate Lot
this humane habitat
of ours

to our tough days
may they sharpen our whits

The quadalupe river
that was our home

we bread our
kindred there

found our mates
and devoured
our pleasures

"Leave me alone,
try 'n to get my drink on!"

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Horror Show Love

Anguish...

SEVERE PAIN

exhaustion

From this Insidious thing!

"all you need is love"

To spit on you

to split yourself

in 2 and burn

your morals with

flags of horror

For some "love is like oxygen"

For me it is like oxygen

and polluted

toxic air becomes all

I can get to intoxicate myself

"thing of Evil"

And now-- I just don't know

if I will ever be the same AGAIN!

Life is so Horrific!

With this insidious

PAIN IN MY HEART

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Horror Show Love Audio

That weed that grows

The weed at the end of the block that's

growing outta the gutta on my street

represents for me

the last little ounce of hope

I take with me

to carry me into the days

I lead...

these days are for me MAN!

Because if they aren't for me than what can I possibly offer

to my community?

What does the world really have to look forward to that

I can provide if I don't do it for me MAN?!

Si puedo encontrar el poder para progressar aunque lo encuento en el mas pobre jardin...

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Humans pt 2

The humans that surface...

those humans man!

The humans that won't go away!

the humans that live with me...

I don't know the remnants

I don't know the aftermath

All I know is I am one of them.

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Humanity, humans pt 1 and 2 audio

Humans pt 1

Whatever way I look

however way I Be

there is no easy way man!

Man! my humans are surfacing up

to demonize me!

sacrifice is not enough

Desire killed Death

Meanwhile death keeps laughing

at my living HERE

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Humanity

I realize I am human again

Realizing this again is tiring

I am a dismal being

entrenched in pain, remorse, and if I am lucky a tinge of hope

But I am coming to an opening with my own light inside

I know it is there... the Sun reminds me

My memories try to define me

but they just add to me

I don't have to react today

I only have one life--why not be peaceful among all this grief?

A desolate human-creature, only because I refuse to buy into

Limitations...

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Declined

He dreadfully declined me,

now, I know what that is like...

When a man dreadfully declines a wo-man

And my curious nature had a curious intrigue

in wanting to know how that feels like

For, you see, my father, my siblings, community, and country

have also at various points

dreadfully declined me;

Like a credit card getting ready to be split in many pieces

by some scissors held on by a faceless master

One who believes the "HYPE"

and declines the truth.

For, the truth, you see, is the road rarely treaded

Because it requires ACKNOWLEDGEMENT (courage) :)

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Empathy

Paralyzed in one realm

empowered,

endowed by another,

by my paralyzed nature,

alienated-fortified,

resignation of my human out-leads

towards compassion

I mean if there ain't no empathy than what's the point?

Point Blank--

there ain't no empathy left

to bury outta

the gutta

I have a splinter for a mind and

a rotted flower for a heart...

But i would be damned if I lost my empathy!

--then, what's the point...

Point motha-fuckin-blank---

son!

Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Resignation

Intricate souls
deleted pasts
deleted horizons
escaping the alienated-paralyzing
remnants of my fucked-up human design

I resign
into a future worth hoping for...

Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Broken Game---Broken Love

It was a broken game

that never worked

Two broken pieces

that never fit

Two wretched pieces

trying to fit together

Baby---oh, BABY!

Who could have seen this horrible delight?

Inspired over our broken SPITE

toward humanity

Baby---oh, BABY!

How wrong did it go?

that neither of us had to pretend to know?

Just how broken the wretched diseases

our hearts produced.

-------"Tu eres el culpable de todos mis deseos y todas mis angustias"

Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Dismal

Paralyzed dismay of the defeated

quarters I reside in

--Carved throughout my universal channels

ancient stories

Reclaiming Infamous Frustration.

What can I do but be okay with the blisters and Live my Life?

Solutions crystallize around

the dismal future abundant with gloom.

Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Colonized

Paralyzed delight dysfunction

colonized aftermath

Den of danger exposed

slowed anticipation

vulnerable net

spoon-fed weapons

trying to conquer me

trying to keep conquests

alive

I get caught slipping...

"Pero no me quiero hogar en un vaso de agua"

RESISTO, y RESISTO, y RESISTO!!!

And I don't even really like protesting

Pues para mi--la repuesta es facil...

COMMUNIDAD

the duality in me

---meh

Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Colonized Audio

Estranjera

Me tengo que salir de este pais

la television y la estructura estan envenenando

a mi hija.

Ya no ahuanto mas!

Pero su papa es bolio.

como la voy acer?

Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Song

Courageous hindrance

Burden of the un compromise

Solutions to structural blandness.

Diffusions make me want to sing--

Out-loud, at the top of the Land--

--Lungs that shy away from me

discussions that bring me

to see a beaten-up past

the way things are the same

Ever since those travelers came

Change the way we change ourselves

Life is a cycle of birth--re-birth--old age--and death

What do I do?

Listen, Live, be, and SEE.

Enrichment in others.

Nonsense, red-tape, horrendous-outrageous:

humans that design one's fate.

But Blues, jazz, Laughter, Rap, Rock, Bluegrass, Opera, Punk-Rock, Metal, and Dub-step

break the chains of nonsense.

Here I am, this is what I do,

Express myself FREELY

And cope in a disparate

world reliant on scarcity

dictated by greed promoted through need

But overthrown through natural Human Integrity and SONG.

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

The Reality Truth Awakening

huge growth pain

acknowledged.

Wretched review of collective memory

that explores me--envelops me,

into the wild corridors of my self-proclaimed

montage--playing along the conscious-stream

of existence.

The reality truth awakening that comes to unsettle me

back towards calmness.

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Strides Uphill

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

The Human Struggle inside the Exterior Puppy

Diluted past--deluded present

we find ourselves in this maze

of circumstance suited only

to turn bodies into fuel

The fuel that defeats and destroys

our human interiors

And so where can we recognize our humanity?

As stripped as we are...

In each other-----

difficult task when confronting the frankness

of our puppy traits

that are being trained each second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year,

until, faithfully we depart

In that duration the UPHILL challenge is to recover our human in the puppy

that we live in :)

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Slanted

Precision of laughter--radical

social awareness conducts

delivered struggles of UPHILL

path to contain a space

to be a space to reach

I travel UPHILL and cannot see the horizon

I focus

I am patient

I sit down-slumped-slanted

on a never ending HILL

Forged existence

ideological state of the made-up

Making up reasons to expand human necessity

for a profit--for an exploit

to deliver a point on a scoreboard of emptiness

Only there to humor the power-structure's-hierarchies

Contentions

Slanted Audio

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Iambic pentameter gone--sad-happy, and wrong :)

Triumphant design of the defeated

Inconsolable plights --resignation

of the broken spirits treading UPHILL

as wrenched avalanches explode to

a despair that clings to the within depth

which shakes up, shakes in humanity's raw

template--infused with: greed, fear, and other ills

that struggle to overtake virtue, grace,--

Humility, that cloaks ones essence in

the art of being the notion of Peace

Tranquil concern of equanimity

silenced pain outrages the dual natures

inside me, under me, circumvented

Ease--tossed-unleashed, to grasp the all that is

driving, essential-fabric constituents

connected--alienated stitches

cohesively interconnected, fragmented

tangible delirium delight proves

Existence to secede, however, bounded by

nature

The fundamental reassurance

that the brain is active

Until death.

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

The template of GLOBAL RULE drives me MAD! But I am OKAY!

ruling empires of conquered plights

Hungry savage-like fury-ridden

haves on the ladder of dismay--regret

family stakes for sakes, apparently,

the opposition cannot contain the image

Only through discipline can one see spite!

But it is discipline that makes it spite!

Crossing contradictions of the struggling

But DEFEAT is not an option that's found

Instead, I search and begin my journey

I find roadblocks and cold walks... But...

that does not Knock me down

I write my message... again and again

FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY TO FEEL WHOLE

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

A Haiku; The Institutions Function for who?

Immigration... yeah

It is a problem--broken

Humans can fix it?!

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Wrestles

Once upon a stark-heart-breaking journey

My brain snuck-up and captured a violent

Frenzy of subterranean chromy

perceptions, squirming-forced, feared in silent

protests among the few who despise filthy

incomprehensible dilemmas --shame

arriving to my inner depth--driven

by undeniable fury built blurry

Until the wake revealed my chosen

Break from the unsuspecting bland limits

caressing me in a hark embrace--pain

fumbled and went, arose, and fell deeply

onto phantasm insights with frequent

pushes to empower enlightenment

By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©

Dear Congressman,

If their were enough cigarettes and comics in the world for the both of us I would say to you... It is okay... no problem chief... Lets live happily ever after... But since the Corporatacrisssssssis says there isn't I am kinda mad that you expect my children to fight over there and not yours...

Here is a nine line answer to your dilemma...

Dance to the glory-filled anxiety

screams inside your head smell

the putrid scents of a malt-beverage

Extend your thinking to the expansions

beyond just the structure that you

live and feel along the delirious

nutrition you cannot acquire

Mind scapes--knee scrapes tumbling

passion of confusion trying

desperately to detach from

delusion...

You've been giving me the same lines...

By Deborah Godinez ©

Reflective POMO... everyone is Equal piece...

Sometimes I say that I am pomo... When I do, I am just being silly... playing with identity... in the end all I really am is human... the reason that I embrace the pomo lens is because it extends to everyday peoples and those are my peoples... but that is ignorant too because this society has had me believing that there are differences between elite and under privileged, male and female, children and adults, shades of skin and qualities of character, educated and uneducated, disabled and not disabled, young and old, gay and not gay ... And although, Historically, many atrocities have placed different groups in stratified social positions... at the end of the day my heart pumps blood in the same biologically determined way in which anyone else's does. We all suffer...

By Deborah Godinez ©

Cuts, Slabs, And scrapes on the knees

Zines, magazines, art, philosophy, words, poems, pain, growth, excitement, elation, pain, pain, pain, NATURES COURSE__CORSE

-----------------------------------------------------------------Whateves

Zines, poems, narratives, scripts, history, enlightenment, pain, growth, SUFFERING-RING... Dismay, grief, pain, words, scholarship, print, electronic--SUB-atomic, POOR, WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE, emotions, PORING OUT MY FUCKING HEART!

Grief, extension of loss, attachment, pain, craving, mental COERCION, pain, development, emergence, delight, Exciting Corse...

By Deborah Godinez ©

Experimental Paradigms

I think I have an ego?

Is that where self-consciousness comes in

Am I still in Middle School at twenty-nine?

When did this stop being a poem?

Are questions poems?

Can I ever let go of representations of time?

"I wear this crown of shit" really? NIN? jajajaja

What have I become, is this why old people are weird?

When I was young I wanted to fight and protest against agism!

Just start a big campaign on agism... Agism against young people like me...

I still think protesting is funny... Idk? IDK? I prefer to protest with my intellect. Find my own paradigm... Experiment, complain, doubt, nurture--MYSELF... People are okay... But I value myself... Shouldn't everyone?

Does EVERYONE? what has this Machine done? What is this Machine? Am I wired by the MACHine? What made me how I am? Como le diria; all day long... "Rape me" Is that right Mr. KOBEING? SHoleeeee.... WHere are the phonetic realizations once they are produced... Transwildly-transnarrating the apparent pitfalls of my memory... The memories... that keep me from being... But "I am--are you ready" Okay, Audre Lorde we are all human... I bet we are but some of us are amphibians, and others fish, what do you think about all that? Oh-- DOn't answer... Alrite go ahead.. take a HEAD... Every once and a WILD. but okay I am tired of these voices... Time to go make some choices... hehehhehhehehe :) oooooooo, you like how I ended in a couplet... Take that, Literacy, literature, temple of what-- that is supposed to say temperature... What a temperament she has... shhhhhh. I don't want them to think I am weird. There is the machine talking again... you have to notice when these things happen.

By Deborah Godinez ©

EGO THE LIVING PLANET

Once upon a dreary all encompassing

Mansion of Delusion

with some haunted

elves looking for a place to store

a lost civilization

I got lost in the haunted part of the mansion

And have been trying to find my way out

ever since I could remember

My mum once told me that

Love is a thing of struggling

And I said "mama, eso es kaka"

and she said "no sabes nada hija de la chingada"

And now as a grown womyn child psychosemantic

sorcerous I can Bear witness to this infallible atrocity

of that thing called love...

And it happens to be a subject that consumes me at times

And at other times annoys and disrupts me

OFF

TURN IT OFFF

That's what I say to LOVE

Your kind of a dick LOVE

EGO TAKE CHARGE!!!

Oh, wait... that got me into this mess in the first place...

OH WELL OH GEE OLD G...

By Deborah Godinez ©

Beware!

I am growing some guts and nerves

I have to beware

Beware

BEwar

BE---worn

Forlorn

and see that I have to be AWARE

That Society is still THERE!

By Deborah Godinez ©

Mood swing chaos

The dark me tells

The kind me to feel

All of the emotions

At once

She says.

“You can’t snap out of it.”

Enraged with

The intensely mind numbing

Courage of sensible

Calamities.

Kinetically drawn to the rage of love.

Immortalized this contamination of the

Human condition by which we laminate our souls

Our dirty, kind souls!

Our wonderfully rotten hearts

Made up of beauty and destruction

Cynically consumed with all theses twisted thoughts

Laughing the thoughts mock the sensitivity of the soul.

“I want veins to cover my face”

She was expressing our horror as a display of Artistic Beauty

Ahhhh! Ahhhh! The sighs are endless.

How we covered our faces from the world

How our imperfections and hideousness becomes violently twisted into the beauty by which we cherish this lifestyle.

Get lost in the canvas!

By Deborah Godinez ©

Spinning

For some reason, I have known that real writing begins with some emotion—some struggle, which creates some inherent emotion.

Spinning, spinning some sloppy time among the radiant delight of new faces

Developing an appreciation for myself in delicate places filling myself with compassionate embraces

Cigarettes make me feel like puking. That doesn’t rhyme with anything.

Refusing worry goblins from coming and attacking my heart

Itchy eyes contracted monarchy jibber jabber.

Completed excesses

desires rise

contemplation intrigue

A womyn’s battle with her body

Terror timidad

Grief disorder dismay

Super natural super redundant estimate

Of the human soul

Discourages the senses challenges the intellect.

Naked distraught disposition

Of amiable delight

Regretful acts to uncover the fright in insight.

Every once in a while some horrible delight

Transformed…

By Deborah Godinez ©

Deep Dread's Position

Deep Dread’s Positions

District of the insane hostile predicament

Into a legit position.

Dismantled friction compels apathetic human distrust

To scorn the senses into common objectivism.

Dominant power stands on top of my neck and keeps me from breathing.

Stuck in structure—routine outlook

Worldview crashes on justice, justice, justice…

And I am normal to myself... It's society the one with the problem

By Deborah Godinez ©